Relationships can break down for a range of reasons, and while there can sometimes be a natural, amicable acceptance that it’s time to move on, in other cases, this can come as a shock.

It often takes just one person to decide that it is over. That can leave the other person in the relationship feeling bewildered, wondering what has gone wrong. Very often clients in this position come to me and say “but we were happy”, and processing the scale of what has gone on takes time.

Signs of relationship breakdown

If you find yourself in that situation, it’s natural enough to ask whether there were signs that had been missed. Was there something you could have done to save your relationship?

Ultimately, there are no hard or fast rules about what makes a relationship break down and stop working. Everyone is different. It is also important to remember that in most cases there is no other party involved, so there won’t always be a hidden mobile phone, late nights out or lipstick on a collar.

In my experience, having spoken to many people in the early stages of relationship breakdown, there are some common threads that can signal a relationship might be struggling:

• Lack of communication seems to be a regular theme. Do you still really talk to your partner? Can you discuss the things that really matter? Do you listen to what the other one is saying rather than just paying lip service? It is fine to go and do separate things – often that is a sign of a healthy relationship – but do you then make time for each other as well?
• If one person constantly shuts the other out that may be a sign that they are disengaging from the relationship. It is important that people share time, share their lives and be open to each other.
• Not spending time doing things together – some couples have regular date nights. If you have children try – if you can – to have some time together without them being around. That is not always easy to arrange, not everyone has family nearby to help and the cost of a babysitter can make a night out very expensive indeed. It is important to try as shared good times is money in the relationship bank for when the going gets tough.

Taking action if a relationship is in trouble

If you sense your partner is drifting away from you, it is better to address the issue rather than hoping it is just a bad patch. Relationship counselling is available and can help couples decide what it is they want to do. The presence of a counsellor can help communication be re-established and put a relationship on a much better footing.

Ultimately, some couples do drift apart and sometimes separation is inevitable. Equally if people are aware of the signs, realise they are taking each other for granted and work at it (with or without help) a relationship can be saved.

Support for you

If your relationship has come to an end, then expert support is very often the key to finding a way forward. At Berwins, we work with you, listening to your situation and understanding your circumstances so that, if you find yourself bewildered, we can find a way forward.   

DISCLAIMER: The information and opinions expressed in this article does not address individual requirements and is for informational purposes only. It does not constitute any form of legal advice and should not be relied on or treated as a substitute for specific advice relevant to your particular circumstances.